AN IMPRESSIVE INTERVIEW WITH JOYCE DE RUITER

When did you feel that freedom was something you could decide for yourself?

‘As a teenager I was told that I would gradually become deaf and blind. After that diagnosis freedom on the one hand felt very far away, but I also noticed that I could choose for myself how I wanted to deal with that prospect. That was the beginning of my search for mental freedom. Gradually I realized that it is not my circumstances that determine my freedom, but my thoughts. I can choose my own perspective.’

Where do you start when you want to feel more freedom?

‘I have discovered that freedom is about not-knowing and curiosity. As soon as we think we know, we actually lock ourselves in. As long as we remain curious about the other option – about another perspective, another outcome – there is room. Freedom is also something inclusive: it is not “as long as I am free from the uncomfortable” that I am free. Freedom actually begins with allowing fear, frustration or sadness without those feelings taking control.’

Why did this book have to be written?

‘Living with Usher syndrome sometimes feels as if I am locked in a cell whose walls are slowly closing in. Yet I discovered that there is always light between the bars, no matter how small that slit becomes. In my mind I can be free. The lessons I learned during my journey are so universal that I want to share them. For whether it is in a body, a system, or a belief: we all get stuck sometimes.’

Which exercise really works?

‘What has really helped me in situations where I felt completely stuck is the regime model. According to this model you can do only three things in such a situation: change, accept, or leave. There are no other options, and that makes it very clear. Yet we are often inclined to keep clinging to the wish that the situation will change. While precisely that "in-between" part consumes so much energy. So: take a step back, look at the three options, and make a conscious choice. Do you want to change something? Start with yourself — you cannot change the other person. Can you accept it? Then you may also stop complaining. If neither works? Then leaving — literally or mentally — is the only option left.’

What do you hope readers take away from your book?

‘That freedom is not only about self-determination or autonomy, but also about responsibility. Freedom is not simply doing whatever you want; it means choosing without harming others and taking the world around you into account. And perhaps most importantly: freedom lies in daring not to know, in staying curious about the other option, even when that feels confusing. And if you can then celebrate that confusion, you also experience a form of mental freedom.’

You give lectures throughout the country, also at Van der Valk. What do you find the most beautiful about those encounters with the audience?

‘If you slowly lose the two senses you can use to communicate, the greatest fear is that you will no longer be able to connect. But precisely by sharing my story about change and developing an agile mindset, I experience that connection again and again. Whether that is in a small venue or in front of two thousand people, during a keynote, workshop or dinner: being able to move others — and to be moved by their stories when we talk afterwards — feels magical every time. That is why I do this work with so much love and passion.’